Crash course...
So so so SO many things to learn!
I have learned one very big lesson, though, and that is that hawk is full of shit. (I'm sorry, I rarely use words like that, but that is the only way to say it) AND he really messed with me head.
I regret that, mainly because the new man in my life is having to work to undo the damage. Like an abused dog that flinches when you raise your hand, red flags keep going off in my head, walls go up, and I have to remind myself who I am with, that He is not hawk, and that there is so much more respect and trust here... It makes me feel bad that I automatically do that.
I learned a very big lesson today on the phone... I ended up in tears, but I finally knocked down another wall in my head. It doesn't matter whether I like the punishment or not, it is the obedience to Him in taking it that matters. Duh! Why did it take so long for that to soak in?? It was not easy for Him to get that in my head, and I am so glad He is so patient.
I have a new sign on my computer, and on my phone: "Engage brain before opening mouth." I have to learn to think before I speak, to remember who I am talking to. I can't wait until the day I can tell you all who He is... I am so proud that He picked me to be His... And I think most of you will be surprised!
I have learned one very big lesson, though, and that is that hawk is full of shit. (I'm sorry, I rarely use words like that, but that is the only way to say it) AND he really messed with me head.
I regret that, mainly because the new man in my life is having to work to undo the damage. Like an abused dog that flinches when you raise your hand, red flags keep going off in my head, walls go up, and I have to remind myself who I am with, that He is not hawk, and that there is so much more respect and trust here... It makes me feel bad that I automatically do that.
I learned a very big lesson today on the phone... I ended up in tears, but I finally knocked down another wall in my head. It doesn't matter whether I like the punishment or not, it is the obedience to Him in taking it that matters. Duh! Why did it take so long for that to soak in?? It was not easy for Him to get that in my head, and I am so glad He is so patient.
I have a new sign on my computer, and on my phone: "Engage brain before opening mouth." I have to learn to think before I speak, to remember who I am talking to. I can't wait until the day I can tell you all who He is... I am so proud that He picked me to be His... And I think most of you will be surprised!
3 Comments:
When I started dating sometime after what I thought was the love of my life, it seemed the ladies were trying to load the emotional luggage left by their exes onto my cart. Didn't like it. Shoved the luggage off and went my way.
It is natural to protect yourself from future hurts born of the past, but it isn't fair.
I agree with buffalo. We are victims of our past. What we love what we hate is based on things that have happen to us. You hate minivans. Not because they are bad vehicles but because of a past life style you dislike. The good thing is that as thinking persons we can overcome the past. You might even learn to love minivans. Or not! ::grin::
The best way to change an old habit is to replace it with a new habit.
I still am keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
No, it's not fair... to me or Him.
I'm sure, though, that we will work through it...
And I'm sure, Buffalo, that someday soon you will meet the woman who, baggage or no baggage, will captivate your heart...
SunsetMan, I don't know about the minivan thing (LOL), but I do know that with His love and patience, I will overcome my past and learn to trust again... I have alrady come so far...
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